Three Ways to Save Your Relationship from Technology

Americans now spend an average of 3-4 hours a day on their mobile phones. For most of us, that includes almost 2 hours a day on Facebook, YouTube, Snapchat, Instagram, and Twitter. 

That’s bad news for intimate partner relationships, as just about everyone has noticed by now. There’s even a new word—“phubbing”—which is a mashup between “phone” and “snubbing.”  Phubbing is what happens when someone you’re with gets so involved with their smartphone that you feel they’re no longer really paying attention. 

If you’re like most people these days, you’ve probably endured a fair amount of phubbing by people close to you. You’ve probably done your share of it, too. 

Why Does Using Social Media Feel Good?

Social media consumes lots of time. But there’s something even more important that makes Facebook and other sites particularly hazardous to intimate relationships. It’s that social media is so narcissistically rewarding. 

I’m not talking about pathological narcissism—you know, people who are really over-the-top in their need for power and control. I’m talking about healthy narcissism—the natural human drive, which we all have, to feel special and important.  

Before social media, the main way most of us got to feel special and important was through our relationships—especially intimate partner relationships. Good relationships make you feel good about yourself. That’s a big part of what keeps a relationship going. 

If you’re like many people these days, you’re probably getting more of your healthy narcissistic needs satisfied by your electronic devices than by the people in your life.

But unfortunately, if you’re like many people these days, you’re probably getting more of your healthy narcissistic needs satisfied by your electronic devices than by the people in your life.  The makers of consumer products have always been good at making you feel special. But electronics and social media take this to a whole new level. 

What’s the solution? It’s not enough just to say, “Put down your phone.” The problem is deeper than that. To really solve the problem, you have to understand the psychology of how digital media really works. 

There are three things that all really successful apps and social media platforms do to get you hooked. They give you lots of attention, they give you a sense of accomplishment, and they make you feel loved. 

Accordingly, there are three things to do if you want to save your relationship from technology. Let’s go through them, one by one. ...

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