I grew up the oldest of five siblings and was used to being a “take charge” kind of kid, even in young adolescence. It was no surprise to my parents that as a tween I was in high demand as the neighborhood babysitter. In fact, my own parents had to up the ante and persuade me to take care of my own brothers and sisters because the local neighbors were offering competitive pay to watch their kids.
Maybe it was my birth order that paved my ambitious drive to do extra chores around the house and score paying jobs at the age of 12. Whatever the case, I was a “mover and a shaker” and definitely not a lazy couch potato. And to be totally honest, my younger brothers and sister followed suit when it came to venturing into the workforce and earning a paycheck. All five of us had part-time jobs by the age of 15, and if we weren’t working at a pizza place or babysitting, we asked our parents what we could do around the house to earn a few bucks and buy things we knew they weren’t going to provide just because we wanted them. Imagine that?
Today’s kids grow up with an entitled mentality due to heavy exposure from non-stop advertising, TV shows and movies that glorify materialism, and peers at school who always seem to have the latest gadgets or the hottest labels—and often just because they feel like having these things. This ultimately leads to parents giving their kids much more than they need—and sometimes, more than their family can really afford without requiring them to even earn these items.
In 7 Strategies to Build a Strong Work Ethic in Your Kids, Dr. Ruth Peters, a psychology contributor to NBC’s The Today Show and author of Overcoming Underachieving, says: “Daily in my practice I see parents who have made the mistake of not taking the time and attention to teach their children to be workers and achievers. These kids have learned to settle for less rather than to face and challenge adversity, to become whiners rather than creative problem solvers, and to blame others for perceived slights and lack of success.”
If you’re faced with a child who seems to be on the lazy path of life, Mighty Mommy shares six tips to help him or her reroute and choose a more energized direction instead.
Tips to Motivate Your Lazy Kid
- Don't make it too easy.
- Be the example.
- Set expectations.
- Get kids involved in the kitchen.
- Make giving and volunteering a habit.
- Go outside and enjoy Mother Nature.
Tip #1: Don’t Make it Too Easy.
Growing up I remember how frustrated my siblings and I would get with my parents when we had a simple request—asking for movie money or wanting sneakers that were currently in fashion—and the answer would be “no” or “what can you do to help contribute to the cost of this?” At the time it would infuriate all five of us because we felt we deserved these things at no cost. Looking back, however, we now realize the value of earning these things as opposed to having them be handed over on a silver platter.
My parents raised a large family (just as I am doing) and made the choice to show us the importance of working for extras rather than allowing us to assume we were entitled to little luxuries and handouts. By not making it too easy for us, we all learned to put forth the extra effort for those wants that were really important to us.
Tip #2: Be the Example.
There is an old expression that really fits the bill when it comes to setting an example for how we live our lives in front of our children: “Monkey see, Monkey do.” In other words, this means that someone will imitate another person's actions, good or bad, simply by having watched them before.
So if you love to lounge on your comfy sofa in the middle of the day with a cold glass of soda while watching your favorite soap opera rather than tending to laundry, paying bills, or taking your child to get some exercise in the backyard or the park, you can’t get all worked up when you see her plopped on her bedroom floor with a cookie and her iPod rather than putting her clean clothes away or taking the dog outside for a brisk walk. Your child will accept your lazy actions as normal and will follow suit.
If you relish high standards for a vigorous household where chores are done consistently and correctly, homework is completed on time, and exercise and healthy eating are the norm, then be the example for your kids and live an energetic lifestyle, not a lazy one.
Tip #3: Set Expectations.
Whether you have pre-school aged children or teens, there are plenty of age-appropriate chores that kids can do. If you are just introducing the concept of chores to your kids, sit down with them and in a positive and upbeat manner explain to them that they will now be contributing to the upkeep of their home. Be very specific when explaining job duties. Don’t assume that your four-year-old knows how to put away his toys in their proper place if he’s never had to do it before. Invest the time and positive energy in teaching him about where things belong so he’ll not only learn to do it right and by himself, but he’ll ultimately learn about the benefits of organization in other aspects of life as well.
If you have teens that give you a hard time about helping around the house, don’t give up! Set some time aside to share why it’s important that they start helping with chores such as laundry or loading the dishwasher properly. If you “show and tell” instead of nagging about how sick and tired you are of doing everything by yourself, you’ll have a much better chance of getting your teen on board.
In my house, I offer incentives such as movie money or gift cards when they help out willingly and without constant reminders. Don’t forget to praise your kids for at least trying. Kids want to please, so be genuinely appreciative when you see your child doing one of his chores and if he isn’t doing it correctly, use it as a “teaching moment” so he’ll learn constructively, not critically.
Tip #4: Get Kids Involved in the Kitchen.
One of the largest expenses in most households is the grocery bill. Food is essential for every family and it’s not cheap. If you have kids that are picky eaters or are wasteful, it adds even more to the price tag of those weekly grocery runs. Years ago, kids regularly helped in the kitchen—preparing food, setting and clearing the table, and enjoying family meals sitting around the table talking and connecting with their parents. Now, with the overwhelmingly busy lives most of us lead, families barely eat together, never mind take part in the process of meal preparation.
I’ve found that by involving my kids in the grocery shopping, meal planning, and preparation they tend to eat nearly everything I serve and don’t complain about what’s for dinner each night. It also gives them something to do many evenings rather than sitting on the couch and playing on their electronics and smartphones.
When kids learn to give back, they also learn to appreciate the art of using their downtime.
Tip #5: Make Giving and Volunteering a Habit.
Set aside toys and clothing that are in good condition. Deliver the items to a deserving cause all together, as a family. Talk about the process and why you think it's important to do this. Tap into organizations like Global Giving that offer a virtual marketplace for making a difference.
Even if a child is too young to feel the pain of those who have less than she does, she can still learn at a young age to appreciate what she has by being exposed to those who are less fortunate. This isn't to say you should all pile in the car and take a driving tour of the nearest slum. There are other options.
Soup kitchens, literacy programs, food drives, volunteering at an animal shelter. My kids and I go to an annual holiday dinner for the homeless in our town and they see firsthand how excited these kids are to receive one gift from the Santa figure that comes—usually a board game, a doll, a skateboard—maybe a bike—not the plethora of electronic gifts they ask for and receive every year.
When kids learn to give back, they also learn to appreciate the art of using their downtime and their resources to help with worthy causes, which in turn keeps them active and not being wasteful of their time. Check out my episode 5 Fun Ways to Encourage Kids to Volunteer for more ideas on encouraging giving.
Tip #6: Enjoy Mother Nature.
In recent years, numerous experimental psychology studies have linked exposure to nature with increased energy and heightened sense of well-being. As the noise of our crazy culture fades, your mind calms and you experience silence and stillness. Getting outdoors with our families can lighten our moods and help us relax and be comfortable in our own skin.
When you’re exposed to the elements of nature there is nothing to compete with, no 24/7 technology, incoming texts, overdue bills, or book reports. Instead you can be frolicking with your kids and puppy on a hiking trail or splashing each other in the waves or even planting a garden together. When you invite Mother Nature to spend more time with you and your family, you’ll get back to basics and in turn can become reenergized and a lot less lazy.
How do you motivate your lazy child? Share your thoughts in the comments section at http://ift.tt/1zMEe2L, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com. Visit my family-friendly boards at http://ift.tt/1wyJKr5.
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