Here on the Modern Manners Guy channel, questions about table settings are popular this time of year. As are queries about proper ways to order food and about simple table manners. When it comes to dining etiquette, I've covered them all.
However, hands down the biggest dining etiquette question of all is how to properly tip.
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I touched on this topic briefly before (check out Should You Tip for Take-Out?) and boy did you folks have some thoughts about it! The response to that article made it clear that we need to dig deeper into the issue. So let’s take a closer look at the 3 rules for tipping on take-out:
Rule #1: Tip for Service, Not Obligation
Everyone has had both terrible dining experiences and fantastic ones. In an earlier article called Tipping Conundrums: Should You Tip More at an Upscale Restaurant? we talked about the number one determinant for tipping: service. Usually, the quality of the food and service is what determines the tip.
However, even when the food is lacking but the service is over-the-top accommodating, you’re still likely to tip well. I mean, it’s not the server’s fault if the food was bad. It's their ability to make you feel comfortable that is valued. Anyone who has worked in the food service industry knows that being a server is a tough job. But if that's your job, you know what you're getting into. For example, if I was called a “driver” but crashed the car every week, no one would want to employ me. So when a server takes on that role, they have to deliver, or else frankly, why do they deserve a tip? And this goes for take-out as well.
When you tip someone, it is not an obligation. It’s a gesture and a business transaction based solely on service and not just because they are standing in front of you with a pen and paper. When you go to grab take-out and all someone does is hand you a bag and take your money, why do they deserve a tip? What “service” was provided that was above the necessary norm?
I had no choice but to wait for the take-out cashier to grab my bag and for me to pay. That’s it. So why do I owe them more? There was no hustle. There were no excessive accommodations offered. And placing napkins in the bag doesn’t count. In the end, you have to ask yourself if the server went above and beyond. Most often with take-out you feel guilted into tipping simply because the receipt gives you a line to write in a tip. It’s perfectly proper to pay only what is owed and nothing more.
Rule #2: Tip Once, No Matter How Many Cooks in the Kitchen
This is how a restaurant should be. When I go to pay for my take-out, I can easily see there is a full-scale process to get my order correct. The chef makes sure it’s perfect before it lands into the take-out box, the cashier packs it neatly, the manager asks me if I need a drink, and is eager to fetch it quickly. I can see clearly that a lot of effort and care has been put into my meal.
But with so many hands in the operation, how do I properly tip? If my meal is $15 but 3 people were invested in its creation, do I walk around handing out money?
If you feel the service warranted a tip on your take-out order, you should only tip once on the receipt or put cash in the tipping jar sitting near the cashier. You don’t owe everyone an individual tip. It’s not your job to make sure everyone gets paid, nor, as I said, do you have to go broke over take-out. Sure, you can thank them all with a wave and a shout out, and I advise being friendly. But one tip, one time, at the end of the transaction is all that's required.
Rule #3: The Owner Is Not Like a Server
Many take-out places are small shops where the owner not only pays the bills, but makes the food, and even works the register. Not that they’re an octopus with many hands doing many things at once, but oftentimes you’ll see the owner ring you up, after putting your meal in a bag. So, when you are dealing with an owner, do you still tip?
I for one, find it a little odd when I'm confronted with an owner of the establishment who behaves as if they deserve a tip. See, tipping was developed as a way for service workers to supplement their usually minimal salary. Waiters in the U.S. often make less than $3 an hour, which is hardly enough to get by, so tips are essential for survival. However, when the owner of the store is the one serving the take-out, I don’t see the parallel.
Think about it this way: Let’s say that Nordstrom’s cashiers started accepting tips for assisting customers. Then one day Mr. Nordstrom himself himself shows up to work the register - should I be tipping him? It would be weird, right? Granted his income is a lot different than the owner of Jonny’s Sandwich Shop but still, when someone owns an establishment, their take is much higher than the workers'.
Expecting $2 more from a customer picking up their Pad Thai is not going to make the owner a millionaire, it’s only going to make the customer feel like they were guilted into paying more than they should. Owners are exempt from the take-out tip policy simply by the nature of their role in the restaurant's food chain. The owner-customer transaction should end solely with a smile and a "Thanks."
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Chinese food container image courtesy of Shutterstock.
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