In the 23 years I’ve been a mom, I’m proud to say that I’ve heard both those comments time and time again. I wouldn’t say that I have one big secret or a magic formula for having respectful, well-behaved children, but I think parents definitely play a large role in this outcome so today, Mighty Mommy shares six ways to raise a delightfully, well-behaved child.
Tip #1: Have Clear Expectations
Children thrive if parents can have clear expectations for behavior and enforce those standards consistently. Consistency puts action behind your words; it shows your kids that you do mean what you say. Determine what your expectations for your kids are on everything from how they perform at school to curfews, household chores and even things like using profanity and what their bedtime is during the school year. Be specific and then make the consequences equally as clear. For example: If your tenth grade student does not keep his grades at a B Minus or higher, limiting use of his cell phone during the school week will be extremely limited. When you are precise with your expectations you are teaching your child that his behaviors, good and bad, will result in privileges and consequences. See Also: 6 Gifts to Help You Raise a Smarter Child
Tip #2: Model Appropriate Behavior
We want our kids to treat others with respect and kindness but what about those times when you’re out shopping and someone cuts you in line at the deli or cuts you off in traffic? Are you able to keep your cool and grin and bear it, or do you fly off the handle and make a rude comment (loudly under your breath) to the elderly lady who pushed her way in front of you at the deli counter? Do you lay on the horn when things don’t go your way when you’re driving?
Remember that you always have an audience when your kids are in your presence (or within earshot of you!). We’re human so we’re going to get irritated and speak harshly or display a temper now and then, but just as soon as it happens and you catch yourself, stop and apologize in front of your kids. “Mommy is really sorry that she just got so upset when that lady cut us off in the store. Even though it wasn’t her turn, I shouldn’t have made a mean face at her.” By explaining why you’re sorry to your kids, you demonstrate that we need to be held accountable for our action.
Tip #3: Be Affectionate Often
When a child hears phrases like “I love you,” or “How’s it going?” or notices that you stopped what you’re doing when she enters the room and is greeted with a loving smile, it means the world to a child. And even though they would never admit it, the same goes for teens and college aged kids too. When you display affection to your kids and other family members, you’re validating to them how important they are to you, which sends the best positive message you could ever deliver. This in turn lays a solid foundation when you’re teaching respect and enforcing rules in your home because you’re doing so in a loving atmosphere so your kids will want to do things to continually earn your respect. See Also: 5 Ways to Raise a Happy Child
Tip #4: Teach Problem Solving
When kids are exposed to problems that allow them to be part of the solution, it builds important skills that will carry over into their adult life including how to manage their behaviors.
Although kids crave structure and boundaries, they also love and need to exert their independence. Starting very early on with decisions like allowing them choices on what to wear or choosing which story they’d like to have read to them are great ways to build their independence. By taking advantage of everyday situations—milk or juice with breakfast, coloring or building castles with blocks, putting food in the dog’s bowl or throwing away the empty juice boxes—will foster their budding independence. As they grow, obviously they’ll have more opportunities to make more involved decisions, which in turn will aid in their problem solving abilities.
Tip #5: Teach Behavior During Play Time
Some of the best opportunities to teach good behavior happen during every day play time:
Forbid name calling. Compassion starts with what's acceptable and what's not. For instance, during a play date between your son and another little boy, you overhear you son call his pal a "booger head." Sure, it's not a terribly offensive phrase and may cause you to chuckle, but rather than overlooking the incident, intervene immediately and let him know that being kind to others is the rule and hurtful words are not allowed. If you get involved right away, you are sending an important message that kindness trumps everything and that name calling is not going to happen.
Label kindness. When you catch your child offering a shovel to a friend in the sandbox, label her actions by saying "What a good friend you are," or "You're very thoughtful." Over time, she'll understand that being a helpful friend, sister, neighbor, and human being is something you value.
Over time, she'll understand that being a helpful friend, sister, neighbor, and human being is something you value.
Tip #6: Request Respect
If your kids are taught how to respect themselves and others, they will learn good coping skills for dealing with anger and frustration in appropriate ways that are not verbally or physically abusive to others.
For example, when adults or other children come to our house for a visit, we expect our kids to smile and say hello. If they don’t, I always give a gentle reminder such as “Austin, you remember Mrs. Ryan don’t you?” The more kids can learn about respect from their parents, in their own home, the easier it will be for them to practice it in the outside world.
How do raise a well-behaved child? Share your thoughts in the comments section at http://ift.tt/1zMEe2L, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com. Visit my family-friendly boards at http://ift.tt/1wyJKr5.
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