Whether your child is a toddler or a teenager, you as his parent will influence how he thinks about himself. In order to encourage your child to build good self-esteem and actually like himself, Mighty Mommy has six tips to keep in mind.
Tip #1: Encourage Volunteering
Being kind to others as well as sharing your time to help those less fortunate can be one of the fastest paths to a healthy self-esteem. If you have a child who is really down on himself, try to shift his attention off of focusing on what he doesn’t like and instead encourage him to care for others. Mark Snyder, a psychologist and head of the Center for the Study, noted in Why Helping Others Makes Us Happy that people who volunteer tend to have higher self-esteem, psychological well-being, and happiness.
I found this to be true with several of my children, particularly my 16-year old son. He is the sixth of our eight kids and is not athletically inclined like our other children. He went through a terrible phase of putting himself down because he was not an athlete. He happens to have a great sense of humor, however, and is not only very witty he’s able to build anything, without directions, and loves to demonstrate this to others. Last year I asked him to help me by being my assistant in my Sunday school class. He reluctantly agreed but after the first class, he was hooked. The younger kids really look up to him and he was able to share his love of creating things with them during class time. Not only is he a huge help to me, he has been a real source of comfort to some of the special needs kids in the class. His self-esteem has blossomed over the past year due to his volunteering. Help your child look for ways to share his time and talent and you will likely see a big shift in his sense of self. See Also: 5 Fun Ways to Encourge Kids to Volunteer
Tip #2: Create a Self-esteem File
When I was in high school I was fortunate to have a very creative yet compassionate English teacher who taught me not only how to appreciate beautiful poetry and how to craft a well-written story she also taught me about self-worth. At the beginning of my senior year she had the entire class create a very important file which was named “My self-esteem File”. We all decorated a manila folder with bright, beautiful colors and stickers and throughout the school year we collected any papers, projects, memos or notes of praise that were given to us by our teachers and our classmates. In addition we had to come up with a list of 10 things we liked about ourselves physically, academically, and character-wise. We also had to have at least three classmates name ten attributes they admired about us. We perused these self-esteem files on a regular basis, and it never failed to pump us up and make us feel like extremely valuable human beings. To this day I have a similar file that I keep positive notes "fan mail" from readers and listeners, friends and family and of course, my editors and co-workers. In a time where I’m not feeling so good about myself, I read through some of this file and it’s an instant pick-me-up. Help your children to create their own “Self-esteem Files” so that they can collect words of praise throughout their childhood. Together you can read all the complimentary things said about them and celebrate what makes them special.
Tip #3: Give Your Undivided Attention
One way to make another person feel like they aren’t very important or worthwhile is to not pay attention to them when they are talking to you or to continually interrupt them when they are trying to share their feelings. Kids are no different when it comes to this. If your daughter comes home from school excited to tell you about being chosen to represent her class in the Science fair and you pick up your cell phone to text your best friend about the neighborhood wine tasting while she’s sharing her big news, you’re sending a loud signal “you’re not that important to me.” It’s impossible to be tuned in 100% of the time due to the logistics of having busy lives, but when we make the effort to focus and pay attention to our kids when they do have significant news to share, we are affirming their value in our lives, which in turn helps to build their self-esteem. See Also: Become a Better Listener with Your Kids
Tip #4: Don’t Humiliate
There aren’t many of us who haven’t faced an embarrassing situation. As the mother of eight kids I’ve had my fair share (more than I care to remember) and have witnessed many that my children have experienced as well. Not too long ago my son stood in the locker room getting ready for his basketball game only to pull out his uniform shorts and find my youngest daughter’s Tinkerbell underpants clinging to them. He somehow survived that horrible moment even though several of his teammates nicknamed him Captain Hook for the rest of the afternoon.
Yet I also recall visiting a new friend’s home right after report cards came out and unfortunately her son didn’t receive good grades. I was there when she opened it and looked at him with great disappointment and said “I thought you were in high school not kindergarten. Do you want me to buy you a new box of crayons?” That poor teen slithered out of the room at about 3 inches tall.
When our kids do something wrong, it’s OK to call them on it and turn it into a teaching opportunity, but it’s never ok to humiliate them, especially in front of others.
Tip #5: Be Present
The world we live in today is chock full of commitments, obligations and demanding schedules. It’s easy to see how parents can be overly distracted from the minute they rise and shine in the morning. One way to help our kids feel good about themselves is to connect with them on a regular basis. Turn off your cell phones, TVs and laptops and sit with your child for a few minutes each day and have an everyday conversation about school, their soccer team, their favorite ice cream flavor, how they like to spend free time after school. When we show a genuine interest in our kids feelings and what’s going on in their lives we help build their self worth. See Also: 8 Ways to be Present with Your Kids
Tip #6: Laugh at Yourself
People who take themselves too seriously are certainly missing out on a lot of fun in life! A good sense of humor and the ability to make light of oneself is an important part of living a happy and fulfilled life. Kids need to learn that we all mistakes and many times if we laugh at ourselves, we can lighten the mood and move forward faster. If you make a mistake or do something you label as silly, view it as an opportunity to laugh at yourself or have a good laugh with your kids. For instance, just this week I came home from work, put dinner in the oven, set the kitchen timer and headed to the laundry room to fold towels while dinner cooked. When I returned to the kitchen 45 minutes later, I discovered I had set the timer but forgot to turn on the oven. Dinner would now be an hour late, but instead of getting upset (I thought about crying, but I was too tired!) I started to sing the song from The Wizard of Oz “If I only had a brain” to which two of my kids joined in. We were all hysterical laughing within a few short minutes and eventually, we did get to eat our lasagna for dinner. Having the ability to laugh at yourself means you accept you're not perfect but feel pretty good about who you are. See Also: 5 Ways to be a More Playful Parent
What are some ways you help to boost your child’s self-esteem? Share your thoughts in the comments section at http://ift.tt/1zMEe2L, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com. Visit my family-friendly boards at http://ift.tt/1wyJKr5.
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