10 Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship

Last time I Googled the phrase “healthy relationship,” I got 3.3 billion results. Not 3.3 million. 3.3 billion. That’s nearly half the human population of the world. Clearly, being able to recognize a healthy relationship is a big concern for a lot of people. 

I’m guessing that when most people search for “healthy relationship," what they’re really looking for is to make sure they’re not in an unhealthy relationship. That makes sense, since good relationships are a prime ingredient for a happy life, and a bad one tends to be a miserable experience. 

In my experience, there are 10 main signs of a healthy relationship. The first four are absolutely fundamental. You might think of them as the roots and trunk of a tree. You need them to be strong and secure.   

The other six are a bit softer. You might think of them as like the branches of a tree. They have to be strong enough to hold together, but flexible enough not to break off in a high wind.

The first four signs of a healthy relationship—the roots and trunk of the tree—are easy to remember, because they all begin with “R.” We talked about them in How Not to Have a One-Sided Relationship.

Health relationship fundamentals

1. Healthy relationships are reliable

In a healthy relationship, you can count on the other person to do what they say they’re going to do, and to be where they say they’re going to be. You don’t have to worry about these things. If they make a commitment, you know they’ll honor it.        

2. People in a healthy relationship give each other lots of reassurance

Most people in committed relationships need reassurance every day. Their "love languages" are often different. Some of us need verbal reassurance, some need acts of devotion, and some just need quality time together. But whatever love language you express it in, your partner needs to know—on a pretty much daily basis—that your feelings for them aren’t going to suddenly disappear. 

Your partner needs to know—on a pretty much daily basis—that your feelings for them aren’t going to suddenly disappear.

3. In a healthy relationship, you’re both fully real

You both have real lives—family, friends, work—and you each want the other to know all about your life,...

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