How to (Politely) Tune Out the Office Chatterbox

Surviving and thriving in the modern workplace takes a lot of social skills. You have to be likable but also assertive, hard-working but not too uptight, a good problem-solver but not someone who steps on toes. In this ecosystem, how do you thrive if you have a constant fly buzzing in your ear?

I have a friend who is a total lady boss. She works in finance in New York City. I don't understand what she does, but it's a high power job, and she is confident, effective, and generally a badass. But one time, when our circle of friends asked how her job was going, and she seemed so distraught that we thought something had gone terribly wrong.

It turned out that her new officemate was a chatterbox.

Lots of people struggle with chatty coworkers

Having a chatterbox in the office may not seem like a big deal, but for my friend and many others, it is. He was an unrelenting, all-day-every-day talker. He didn't seem to notice that she wasn't interested in his near-constant chatter. She was distracted, and the agitation she felt made it hard to concentrate even when he wasn't talking, which made her productivity tank. Just when she thought she could get back into her train of thought again, he would jump in with another quip. Telling him how busy she was didn't work. Not responding at all didn't work—he would repeat himself to make sure she heard him. Asking their boss to give him feedback didn't work. She was at wit's end.

I know my friend is not alone. A surprising number of my patients have expressed significant distress about dealing with an office chatterbox. They feel not only frustrated by the distraction but also guilty about the almost-violent thoughts they sometimes have about their otherwise lovely coworker.

Worry not! There are graceful ways of shutting down and tuning out a relentless chatterbox at work. And none of them involve throwing keyboards.

Four ways to deal with the office chatterbox

Before we review these tips, first, make sure that you've given your chatterbox coworker a fair chance. If this person is new, they may want to be friendly and make a good first impression. They might be talking out of nervousness or following social norms from their last workplace. For the first few interactions, it's good to respond positively and give your new coworker a chance to save face.

If it turns out that they really can't seem to read the room, and they persist in bugging you,  here are some boundary-setting tips.

1. Don't make eye contact. Use other body language to disengage.

If you are a nice person like my friend, you'll find yourself naturally inclined to make eye contact, smile, nod, and turn to face the person when they talk. This body language gives the signal that you'...

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