4 Things Never to Say or Do When Someone Has Anxiety

“It’s not a big deal.”

“You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“It’s all in your head.”

“Just relax.”

Have people uttered phrases like these when you were anxious or worried about something? Were they helpful?

I didn’t think so.

Anxiety is such a universal phenomenon that you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who hasn’t been a nervous wreck at least sometimes in their life. In fact, about one-third of people have had an anxiety disorder at some point. This can include anxiety about a specific situation, such as having a phobia of heights, or anxiety about a lot of things, such as having generalized anxiety disorder. Some types of anxiety disorders are well-known, like social anxiety disorder—it’s easy to imagine someone who feels pathologically awkward at parties or is deathly afraid of speaking in front of a crowd. You may even be that person!

RELATED: The Best Social Anxiety Hacks for Any Occasion

But other anxiety-related disorders are difficult for most people to relate to. Why is grandma stubbornly unwilling to throw out those old newspapers, even though they’ve piled up so much that they’re blocking the way to her bathroom? Why does my roommate jump-scare so easily, even at the slightest unexpected noise? How come my neighbor needs to check whether he locked the front door at least three times whenever he leaves the house?

Talking to someone with anxiety is not as intuitive as you may think!

This article isn't about deep-diving into the mysteries of anxiety disorders and where they come from—we'll save that for a separate discussion. Instead, we'll focus on how you, as a friend, or even a stranger, can help someone who is actively feeling the burn of anxiety.

Read on, because talking to someone with anxiety is not as intuitive as you may think! Let’s take a look at the most common things people say and do (with all the best intentions), why they’re not helpful, and what you can do instead.

1. Don't say “Just relax”

Variations of this crowd favorite include “Just calm down” and “Just breathe.”

Well, if I could, wouldn’t I have already done that?

Let’s say your roommate is looking for a job, and you find him spiraling one evening, freaking out about how he'll be unemployed forever. Automatically reaching for a phrase like “just relax” is understandable....

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