Parenting certainly has many moments of unwavering glory—first smile, words, steps, and then all the marvelous milestones and everyday wonders experienced once our child begins learning and growing throughout their school career.
While we relish the time our daughter hit her first homerun in softball (and were on cloud nine with her for the rest of the day), when she strikes out with the bases loaded and her team loses the championship game, we also know what it feels like to wallow with her in those temporary moments of grief. It can often feel like the end of the world is near, but thankfully we get our child through those crushing blows as well.
Once our kids are in school they become influenced by a much broader range of figures—teachers, coaches, parents of their friends, and of course their peers—as well as things like social media platforms, video games, and all the enticing advertisements that envelop them on a daily basis.
A child’s need to feel accepted, and their desire to simply “fit in,” starts as early as elementary school. And as middle school enters the picture, it becomes even more important, particularly for girls, to find their social niche and belong inside their peer group.
In The Need to Fit In, Kathryn Urberg, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Wayne State University, explains that the preoccupation with social status begins to peak from around age 12 until high school—a time of many physical, social, and school-related changes. "How you're doing compared to others becomes very important," Urberg points out. "Belonging to a popular group gives you some reassurance that you're okay."
My youngest child is soon turning 13. She’s always had a healthy handful of friends, participates regularly in theater club and on both school and recreational team sports and overall enjoys school. While that may seem like a great combination for a 7th-grader, she would tell you otherwise. Why? Nine out of ten times she is not included in group invitations with her peers. Yes, she does have a few very solid friendships that would be considered her "besties," but when there is a party for one of the more popular girls in her grade, or a group going to a concert or a local hangout, she’s one of the few that are not invited.
It’s not easy (frankly, it just plain stinks) to watch one of your children hurting because they’re not accepted by the group at large. Many emotions will be felt by both your child and you during these painful moments of being left out, but if you focus on some positive strategies, your child will soon be feeling empowered and on top of her game in no time.
5 Positive Strategies to Help Your Child Who’s Left Out
- Acknowledge and Embrace...
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