How to Handle Grief and Loss

Grief can follow any loss—not just the death of a person, but also the end of an important relationship, an illness or injury that changes your life, loss of a job which was your identity, or missing important rites of passage. Even positive events like graduation may trigger grief as you enter the "real world."

Right now, many people are experiencing loss due to the tragedy of the coronavirus pandemic. Families have lost loved ones to COVID-19, and the loss is made even more heartbreaking because those grieving are often isolated from the people who form their usual social support system. Millions who have lost jobs may have lost not only a potentially life-altering source of financial safety, but also sense of purpose, an identity, a community, a passion.

Even for those who are more fortunate, whose lives and jobs are intact, there may still be a profound sense of loss.

Even for those who are more fortunate, whose lives and jobs are intact, there may still be a profound sense of loss. I know people who are canceling weddings, family reunions, and anticipated travel or educational opportunities. And thinking back to my own Senior Week and graduation, I feel a wrench in my heart when I realize how many high school and college students will be missing out on all the celebrations that go with this momentous rite of passage.

As we all try to navigate these unprecedented times, here are nine important things to know about handling grief and loss. They won’t take away the pain, but I hope they help you navigate your way through it.

There’s no right way to grieve

You wouldn’t tell anyone else how to grieve; don’t try to control your grief either, especially with the first or most profound grief you’ve experienced.

Likewise, let go of any "shoulds" that pop into your head.

I should have prevented my mother’s suffering.

I shouldn’t feel this bad about [fill in the blank] when other people are losing their lives.

I should get over it.

Withholding judgment is especially important when it comes to crying. Some individuals feel better after a good cry and can let the tears flow easily. Many others want to cry but can’t. Still others will grieve internally, never showing grief through tears. So, don’t try to force yourself or someone else to cry. On the flip side, don’t tell someone to "be strong" if their tears flow freely.

There’s no stopwatch on grief

The conventional wisdom used to hold that the grieving process took about a year. After the loss, you were supposed to experience each season and holiday, and then all was expected to be fine. Thankfully, that’s not expected...

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