How to Resist Social Media and Reconnect with IRL Friends

Loving social media and being addicted to social media are not the same thing at all. It's time to write a break up letter.

"Dear Glorious social media,

It was good, but now, it’s over. You are my #1 time drain. You pull me away from high-quality, in-person friendships with the glowing promise of pixelated friends consumed at my leisure, where awkwardness vanishes at the click of an Unfollow button. You keep me stressed and riled up about topics that are hot and emotional, while hiding topics that are more boring, but are much more important. You’ve reduced my attention span to 30 seconds and I can’t even read two consecutive paragraphs any more. And let’s be honest, you give me propaganda, falsehoods, and sensationalism. If I went back to spending my free time reading on my own, or taking a class, I’d be much smarter. 

It’s easy to write this letter, but I can’t quite follow through. Social media, I wish I knew how to quit you."

There’s a lot wrong with social media. But for many of us, it feels great. Feels great doesn’t mean it is great. Sugar feels great. Heroin, from what I’ve been told, feels great. Refined carbs? Great! That’s the thing about addiction—it makes your brain feel great, even when it’s actually bad for you.

Social Media Doesn’t Bring You Closer

Bernice, the owner of Green Growing Things plant stores, says her social media interactions with friends brought them closer and closer. So we took the social media challenge: go to your favorite social media platform and read one of the conversations out loud. What felt like a 10-minute conversation was actually about 30 seconds of actual spoken communication, minus any of the body language or voice tone. 

Bernice was horrified. “It felt so, so… real!” she cried. Yes, Bernice, it did. Those manipulative, helpful folks in Silicon Valley make us think we’re having high-quality interaction when we aren’t. It gives us all the feelz, but with little actual substance. And it gives them a physically addicted customer base with altered brain chemistry.

But it doesn’t have to be that way! Yes, social media is designed to turn your brain into mush and make you into an obedient zombie. (And let’s be clear: if you’re going to be a zombie, my zombie army feasts on Oreo ice cream cake, and Mark Zuckerberg’s zombie army feasts on advertising and Russian propaganda, so mine’s way better.) But you can thwart the evil designs of Silicon Valley and use social media to deepen your in-person relationships.

Use a Social Media To-Do List

In the episode on how to divorce your computer, we created a “computer to-do list.” Instead of being your computer’s slave, you collect your computer tasks on a special to-do list and only do them when you’re at your computer.

To stymie social media’s evil plans, grab a piece of paper and title it not “Social Media To-Do List,” but “Social Life To-Do List.” We’re going to use this list to protect our precious Purity of Essence from the gaping maws of the psychopathic social media companies. (If you work for one of those companies, it’s not too late! Come back to us! We have Oreo ice cream cake.) Social media triggers are designed to get you to “engage.” You will. Only now, you’ll engage with your Social Life To-Do List instead.

Let Likes Trigger To-Dos

When you see something on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or anywhere that you want to “Like,” don’t. Instead, jot the person and a reminder about the topic on your Social Life To-Do List. “Xris, status about the importance of marshmallow peeps at Easter in a liberal Catholic congregation.” “Europa, gorgeous photograph of an entire battalion of her minions dressed in cheerful pastel colors.” And so on. 

Do not however write comments or click Like buttons. Just make a list. 

---

Add Good Picture Feelz to Your List

One of the most manipulative things social media companies do is show you little pictures of your friends and their name. It makes you feel like your friend is there. Your friend is not there. You are staring at a screen being mediated by a cold, heartless algorithm trying to manipulate you for political or economic advantage. 

Look at that little picture and repeat after me, “That little picture is not my friend. That little picture is not my friend. It is an evil high tech algorithm created by psychopathic nerds to enslave my mind and enrich themselves. That little picture is not my friend.”

On your Social Life To-Do List, write your friend’s name. While you’re at it, rate them with a few little hearts next to their name. The more you love them, the more hearts.

Add Other Notifications to Your List

If Facebook tells you it’s someone’s birthday, write that down on your list. If a news story pops up that mentions a friend, write it down. If LinkedIn tells you it’s someone’s work anniversary, it goes on your list, too. 

(This is LinkedIn’s attempt at brain manipulation, and by golly, it works. Which proves that this stuff bypasses your conscious control because before LinkedIn started that nonsense, who ever celebrated a work anniversary? Ever? Does Reid Hoffman, founder of LinkedIn, celebrate his work anniversary? NO! He celebrates the day he cashed out for billions of dollars and never has to touch LinkedIn or anything resembling work ever again. He’s sipping champagne on his yacht, laughing at all of us while we make him even richer by being addicted to his invention.)

Turn Your List into Reality

Once you’ve added several items to your list, turn off your computer. Toss it in the bathtub, and while you enjoy watching it shoot sparks and make sizzling sounds, Get. Out. Your. Phone.

Now go through your list and notice which people and topics are really important to you. Cross out everything else. Those people who only have one heart by their name? GONE! This is called “picking and choosing” instead of being a mindless robot. And it’s heartless. (See what I did there?)

Social media is designed to turn your brain into mush and make you into an obedient zombie

Call everyone who’s left. Connect with them. By voice. Chat about the post, picture, Like, birthday, or anniversary. Social media has given you the perfect opening for the conversation. “Hey, Bernice! I see you’ve been at Green Growing Things for a decade. How’s that working out? Are you and your fiancé Melvin ever going to get married?”

“Europa, those minion uniforms are delicious! And you say they have built in electric cattle prods to help minions stay motivated? Can you get me one that fits a 15-year-old teenager?”

“Reid! My old college buddy. So great to hear your voice. You know, I’ve never tasted champagne… want to get together?”

Sometimes You Want to Work Hard

Is this more work than reflexively clicking your finger on a Like button? Of course. That’s why it’s worth it, and that’s why it works. They want you to be a compliant, addicted, stimulus-response machine. Instead, you’ll be a real, thinking person. You’ll consider who is and isn’t worth having in your life. And then you’ll reach out and have real conversations, with people who are really important to you, about topics that are worth discussing. You’ll take control of shaping your life, instead of being shaped by the addictive forces of social media into nothing more but a mindless marshmallow peep.

This is one time when you’ll work hard, do less, and get what you really want. 

For links to research and articles on social media addiction, learn more here. 

I’m Stever Robbins. Follow GetItDoneGuy on Twitter and Facebook and at least if we're going to be addicted to social media, we can be addicted together. Want great keynote speeches on productivity, Living an Extraordinary Life, or entrepreneurship? Hire me! Find me at http://SteverRobbins.com. 

If you enjoy this podcast, please leave an honest review on iTunes at itunes.com/getitdoneguy. Reviews help a lot! 

Image of man and smartphone © Shutterstock