Open relationships get a lot of press these days. According to one prominent online women’s magazine, of the ten most Google-searched relationship questions of 2017, number six was “What is an open relationship?” and number four was “What is a poly relationship?”
To me, that seems paradoxical. I mean, how many couples these days have enough time and energy for even one relationship, let alone two or more?
The plain truth is that opening up your relationship—taking on more than one partner—usually creates more problems than it solves. But hey, so does having kids. So if you’ve really got your heart set on it, don’t let me stop you.
But open relationships are tricky. So before you and your partner go looking for your first extramarital hookup, I'd recommend you ask yourselves the questions below.
How many couples these days have enough time and energy for even one relationship, let alone two or more?
There aren't any right or wrong answers. But it's a good idea to make sure you’re at least comfortable with the questions.
Question #1: What kind of open relationship are you looking for?
The term “open relationship” covers a pretty wide territory, so there are lots of choices. Some couples only engage with outside partners at specifically designated “swingers’” events or in each other’s presence (a threesome is one example). Some follow the traditional European model, where extramarital relationships are permitted as long as they’re not talked about and they don’t interfere with family time. Other couples discuss these things more openly.
One big divide tends to be between open relationships where it’s just sex, and open relationships where it’s understood you might develop feelings for your outside partners. Couples who just want sex and nothing else will often try to guard against romantic feelings outside the relationship by instituting rules such as never having sex with the same person twice, or never having sex with someone you know.
As you can imagine, sometimes these rules work ... and sometimes they don’t. Rules can easily get broken in open relationships, just like in conventional ones.
Another approach is to throw the rules away and simply negotiate situations as they come up based on what you, your partner, and your other partner—or partners—might be feeling at this point in time. This is usually referred to as polyamory.
Rules can easily get broken in open relationships, just like in conventional ones.
The advantage of polyamory is it prioritizes...
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