Rabu, 11 Oktober 2017

10 Easy Tricks to Organize Jewelry

TricksThatWillChangetheWayYouOrganizeJewelry

Organizing jewelry has never been simpler. All you need to do is look around your house or apartment and muster some creativity. 

How to Organize Jewelry

  1. Bulletin Board Display
  2. Candlestick Bracelet Stand
  3. Brooch the Subject
  4. Buttons
  5. DIY Necklace Holders
  6. DIY Jewelry Holder
  7. Safekeeping for Delicate Jewelry
  8. Ice Cube Tray Jewelry Holders
  9. Bracelet Storage Solution
  10. DIY Earring Organizer

Let's explore each DIY tip a little further.

1. Bulletin Board Display

This organizational tip is also a great bedroom decoration. Buy a bulletin board and lots of sturdy pushpins, then use them to hang your bracelets, necklaces, rings, and hook earrings. With all your jewelry on display, you’ll be able to more quickly decide what you want to wear, and it won’t be a tangled mess. You’ll also get a chance to look at beautiful pieces that may not make it into your regular rotation.

2. Candlestick Bracelet Stand

You could get a pricey jewelry holder to organize your bracelets, but why fork over that cash when you can make your own version that’s both elegant and unique? Look around the house for an old, unused candlestick—or visit a thrift shop to find one on the cheap. Give it a nice polish, if needed, then slide your bracelets over the stem and place it on your dresser or vanity.  

3. Brooch the Subject

Do you have too many brooches and pins to ever get around to wearing them all? Repurpose them at home or at the office by turning them into unique magnets that get noticed! Just use wire cutters to clip off the pin on the back, then glue a magnet (available at craft stores) on the back.

4. Buttons

Here’s an easy way to keep your earrings together: Thread the posts through old buttons, and then attach the backs.

5. DIY Necklace Holders

You don’t have to buy a jewelry organizer to keep your necklaces untangled. Just cut plastic straws in half, thread your necklaces through, and fasten the clasps. The straws will keep the chains straight and untangled.

6. DIY Jewelry Holder

Transform an old wooden cutlery tray into a beautiful jewelry holder with these easy ideas: Spray paint the tray any color you like to match your room’s décor. Insert cabinet handles to serve as hanging hooks for your necklaces and bracelets—you can mix and match the handles for added flair. Next, stick colorful shelf liners into each of the tray’s compartments. Finally, hang the holder on your wall, and organize your jewelry as you wish—by color, style, or size.

7. Safekeeping for Delicate Jewelry

For the safest in safekeeping, pick up a fabric drawer sorter from the local hardware store. Place your favorite and most-often worn items at the front, and your less frequently reached-for pieces at the back.

8. Ice Cube Tray Jewelry Holders

Store small jewelry in the compartments of an ice cube tray, and stick it inside a drawer. If you need multiple trays, stack one on top of the other to save space.

9. Bracelet Storage Solution

Need one organized place to store your bracelets? Use a paper towel holder! The standing holders are a perfect place to stack your bangles and other large bracelets—they take up little space and can be found cheaply at discount home goods stores.

10. DIY Earring Organizer

If you love to repurpose old stuff as much as we do, you’re going to get a kick out of this: Turn an unneeded cheese grater into a holder for your earrings! The larger holes are perfect for hanging earrings by their hooks, while the smaller holes can hold studs with detachable backs. You’ll have a much better way of viewing and selecting your jewelry if it’s hanging together in an orderly fashion. Plus, the DIY shabby-chic effect is totally charming.  

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Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.



5 Ways to Combat Aging Muscles

ensure - combat aging muscles

This is the third in a three-part series on muscle health that I have done in partnership with Ensure. However, the opinions I express in these articles are all my own.

We lose approximately 1% of our muscle mass each year starting at age 50. Aging muscles affect everything from our posture, to our balance, to the way we walk. Strength and endurance are reduced, and we tire more easily. Because our muscle health deteriorates progressively through time, it’s vital we take steps to combat this deterioration at middle age or younger, though it’s worth noting our muscle health can improve with a few measures even at the frailest ages.

In the first post of this series on the importance of muscle health, we reviewed the different types of muscles in our bodies and how they function, including the muscle that comprises our heart, the lining of our blood vessels, and even our urinary and reproductive systems. In the second post we reviewed the various ways the aging process takes a toll on our muscle health.

Now, let’s review five important ways we can fight these anti-muscle aging forces.

1. Moderate intensity aerobics

In 2007, after thorough research, the American College of Sports Medicine and the American Heart Association released their recommendations of appropriate physical activity for older adults. The expert panel recommends 30 minutes of “moderate-intensity” exercise at least five days a week, or 20 minutes of “vigorous-intensity” exercise three days a week.

What is meant by “moderate” and “vigorous,” exactly? Here’s how they define it:

“On a 10-point scale, where sitting is 0 and all-out effort is 10, moderate-intensity activity is a 5 or 6 and produces noticeable increases in heart rate and breathing. On the same scale, vigorous-intensity activity is a 7 or 8 and produces large increases in heart rate and breathing.”

Note that the definitions of moderate and vigorous are relatively subjective and vary with each person. While a slow walk may be vigorous for the frail and old, it would be inadequate for athletes in their prime.

It’s important to note that for those with heart or other medical conditions that may interfere with implementing a physical activity regimen, your doctor’s approval is needed prior to initiation.

2. Muscle strengthening

In addition to aerobics activity, resistance training activities that increase strength and endurance are imperative to maintaining muscle health with aging. Even for the frailest older adults living with advanced age, suffering from chronic illnesses, living in nursing homes, or stuck in extremely sedentary lifestyles, resistance training has been shown to significantly improve muscle function and strength. Progressive resistance training improved everything from chair-to-stand time, stair climbing, gait speed, and balance.

The panel recommends eight to ten different exercises (with 10-15 repetitions of each) that attack the major muscle groups for a minimum of two nonconsecutive days a week. Note that leg strength is often lost before arm strength, and strengthening leg muscles should be a key initial goal.

3. Flexibility and Balance

Range of motion is also diminished with aging. Therefore, exercises to increase flexibility should be performed for a minimum of ten minutes at least two days a week. And for those at risk of falls--a top cause of injury in older adults--exercise that improves balance is imperative to add to their exercise plans and can be performed three times a week.

4. Vitamin D

Vitamin D has been over-hyped in the media, claiming to aid everything from depression to cancer and everything in between. Many of those claims have not been validated with substantial evidence, but one exception pertains to the aging population at risk for falls. Studies show that vitamin D supplementation reduces the risk of falls in the elderly and plays a role in improving muscle strength. A dose of 800 to 1000 IU’s daily improves strength and balance.

5. Protein

Protein is the primary structural component of nearly all cells in our body--it plays a vital role in our digestive system, immune system, hormones, red blood cells that carry oxygen, our hair and skin, and of course, our muscles.

The Recommended Dietary Allowance (RDA) for protein is set at a modest 0.8 grams per kilogram of body weight per day for the average adult. To calculate your RDA, here’s an interactive online calculator that will compute it for you. As an example, a 65-year-old, 5 foot 5 inches tall, 150-pound female with low physical activity level requires 55 grams a day.

However, studies now are disputing this number and suggest an intake even as high as 1.5g/kga day for the elderly population.

Lean protein sources that are low in saturated fats are highly preferred; these include fish, turkey, chicken without the skin, eggs, beans, nuts and seeds, lentils, and tofu and soy products. Note that recent studies have linked processed red meat consumption (hot dogs, pepperoni, salami, etc.) to cancer, cardiovascular disease, and even Type II diabetes, and therefore should be avoided as much as possible.

If you are struggling to consume enough protein in your diet, one way you can add more is with the help of Ensure High Protein. Each serving contains 16grams of protein and 160 calories.

References:

Physical activity recommendations from American College of Sports Medicine and the American heart Asssociation.

CDC’s Growing Stronger strength exercise handbook:  http://ift.tt/2bMWa9Z

Another exercise tool:  http://ift.tt/2yiSh9f

USDA 2015-2020 Dietary Guidelines for Americans

 My Plate for older adults

The Underappreciated Role of Muscle in Health and Disease, by Robert Wolfe, published in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition.



5 Steps to Grow Rich Without a Budget

5 Steps to Grow Rich Without a Budget

If you don’t have a budget, you’re not alone. A U.S Bank study found that only 41% of Americans have one. While keeping a close eye on income and expenses can be the key to making better financial decisions, it’s also possible to build wealth without a budget.

No matter if budgeting just hasn’t made it to the top of your “to do” list or you’ve tried it with lackluster success, I’ll give you 5 steps to grow rich without a budget. Many people, including me, have found smart ways to manage money and achieve financial success without being preoccupied with every penny.

Free Resource: Download the free Retirement Account Comparison Chart for a summary of retirement account rules, plus the best places to open one up.

What Is a Budget?

You’re probably familiar with the idea of a budget, even if you’ve never kept one. A personal budget allocates your expected income to certain expense categories, such as housing, food, debt repayment, and savings.

You create categories and subcategories for all the ways you spend money and set limits on each one. Then you compare the budgeted amounts to what you really spend and make cuts or reallocate funds from one category to another, so you don’t go overboard.

If this sounds like an overwhelming math problem, you’re probably one of the 41% who don’t have a budget!

Budgets are often compared to diets because they seem like a temporary, mad dash to meet a short-term goal.

Budgets become a real brain-buster when you don’t have regular or reliable income. If you’re self-employed, get paid on commission, or qualify for a bonus plan, you may have given up on budgets because you don’t know exactly how much you’ll earn from month to month.

Another wrinkle is that we don’t always spend the same amount per month on each expense category, such as insurance, healthcare, food, or utilities. You can make an estimate by calculating how much you spent last year and dividing by 12. But you may not have that data, or it could be different from this year’s numbers.

For me, the roadblock to budgeting isn’t so much the math, but a feeling of deprivation. Budgets are often compared to diets because they seem like a temporary, mad dash to meet a short-term goal.

These types of sprints can work when you’ve gone completely off the rails and need to get back on track quickly. However, I generally believe that a better approach for long-lasting financial success is to set up a sustainable, realistic, and flexible money management system.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s not that you won’t need to make sacrifices to achieve your financial goals. Few of us have the resources to afford everything we want for ourselves and our families. My point is that focusing just on the math can be myopic, like not seeing the forest for the trees.

5 Steps to Grow Rich Without a Budget

1. Focus on your net worth. 2. Consider your financial end game. 3. Decide on your financial goals. 4. Create a spending plan. 5. Create an earning plan.

Instead of feeling guilty that you don't follow a budget, use these 5 steps to manage your money wisely and grow rich.

1. Focus on your net worth.

To understand how to get where you want to go, you need to know exactly where you are right now. In other words, growing rich starts by getting a grasp on your current financial situation.

I know that can be scary for many people, because you may not be happy with your finances and may not want to face them. But you’ve got to embrace reality to make positive changes.

A PFS gives you a complete view of your current situation, and should be updated on a regular basis, such as annually or even quarterly.

The best way to start is to create a tool that you can use throughout your life to help you gauge your level of financial fitness. The tool I’d like you to create is called a Personal Financial Statement, or PFS.

A PFS gives you a complete view of your current situation, and should be updated on a regular basis, such as annually or even quarterly. Each time you update your PFS, the purpose is to recalculate your net worth, which equals your assets minus your liabilities.

I use an Excel spreadsheet to list out each asset I own, such as cash accounts, retirement accounts, investing accounts, real estate, vehicles, and other personal possessions that have real value. Below these, I list my liabilities, such as mortgages, car notes, and credit card balances. The difference between what you own and what you owe is your net worth.

For instance, if you own $250,000 in assets, but have $200,000 in debts, your net worth is $50,000. Net worth is an important number because it reveals your true financial resources at a given point in time. If you owe more than you own, you’ll have negative net worth.

The goal is to increase your assets and shrink your liabilities every year. Tracking your net worth over time is an incredibly valuable exercise because it keeps you focused on what really matters, which is building wealth.

There’s no magic net worth number that you should have. But here’s a rough guideline to target:

[Your age – 25] x [Gross income / 5]

For example, if you’re 35 years old, subtracting 25 gives you 10. If you earn $60,000, dividing by 5 equals $12,000. Then multiplying 10 by $12,000 gives you $120,000, a good net worth to target for your age.

If you’re 35 years old and that amount of wealth seems out of reach for you, don’t despair. Improving your financial health doesn’t happen overnight. Just follow the remaining steps in this post to build wealth over time.

In chapter two of my book, Money Girl’s Smart Moves to Grow Rich, I review this net worth formula and explain step-by-step how to create a Personal Financial Statement. You can download chapters one and two for free, which includes a sample PFS to help you get started now.


2. Consider your financial end game.

After you know your net worth, it’s time to create a financial plan. This doesn’t have to take a long time or be complex. You don’t need to be a financial whiz or have a high-paying job to achieve significant financial goals.

Think about the big picture of your life and consider your financial end game. What financial and nonfinancial dreams do you have? Why do you want more financial success in the first place?

Take a moment to reconnect with what’s important to you. I find that’s it’s helpful to imagine my life five years from now. Consider where you’re living and how you spend your time. What would make you proud to say that you had accomplished between now and then?

Time passes quickly, so don’t underestimate how much small decisions and everyday actions impact your finances decades from now.

Then stretch your imagination out further and do the same for your life in 10 or 20 years. Go further and imagine you’re on your deathbed with just a few hours left to live. What accomplishments would make you feel good about yourself even in your final hours?

These types of heavy questions can give you important information about yourself and inspire you to begin planning for what truly matters to you. Maybe you want to travel the world in retirement, pay for your kids’ college, take a nice vacation every year, move into a bigger place, give to charitable organizations, or just be prepared for the day you can no longer work. It’s your call.

Time passes quickly, so don’t underestimate how much small decisions and everyday actions impact your finances decades from now. We all want a financial future with more freedom, not less. By thinking about the end game first, you focus on your dreams, which can make necessary sacrifices easier to handle.

Related: A Blueprint to Prioritize Your Personal Finances

3. Decide on your financial goals.

Once you know where your finances stand today, by creating a Personal Financial Statement, and you have some idea about what you want to achieve in the future, it’s time to create specific financial goals to clarify your intent.

There are three different types of goals to consider when you’re doing financial planning: short-term, medium-term, and long-term.

Short-term financial goals are those you want to achieve within a year. You might want to max out a retirement account, buy a new car, save for holiday gift giving, or donate a percentage of income to charity.

If there’s one short-term goal you should have, be determined to establish an emergency fund. Having a cash reserve is key for staying out of financial trouble. None of us knows what the future holds when it comes to our income, our health, or our economy. So, hope for the best, but always plan for the worst by keeping a healthy cash cushion in the bank.

If there’s one short-term goal you should have, be determined to establish an emergency fund.

Medium-term financial goals are those you want to accomplish in the range of one to five years in the future. These might include beefing up your emergency fund, paying off debt, saving for a down payment on a home, or saving for your children’s education.

Long-term financial goals are those you intend to achieve more than five years into the future. Of course, the granddaddy of all long-term goals is saving for retirement. And perhaps, if you can afford it, saving for the education of a young child.

I recommend that everyone make a goal to invest a minimum of 10% to 15% of their gross income for retirement. Here are some resources to learn more about special tax-advantaged accounts that can help you achieve long-term goals like retirement, paying for education, and healthcare costs: 


4. Create a spending plan.

Now that you have a clear picture of where your personal finances stand today by creating or updating your Personal Financial Statement, and where you’d like them to be by setting short-, medium-, and long-term goals, the next step is to close the gap between them.

Instead of budgeting, I recommend creating a spending plan. This is a simple plan for how you intend to manage your money. The idea is to account for your financial goals in addition to all your living expenses. The total of all your expenses must balance with your take-home income, so you never spend more than you earn.

I’ll give you some guidelines to follow for what percentage of your income to allocate to broad types of expenses. But there’s no right or wrong way to set up your spending plan. Everyone has different goals and priorities.

My spending plan starts at the top with how much I want to set aside for my long-term goal, which is a comfortable retirement. I invest no less than 10% of my gross income by making contributions to different retirement accounts. I also make sure to maintain a minimum of six months’ worth of living expenses in my bank savings account. Then I live off the rest.

So, my strategy is to pay for my financial goals first, and then never spend more than what’s left. It’s not difficult now, but there were many years when I cut back ruthlessly on big expenses, like housing and cars, and eliminated just about every unnecessary cost, such as dining out, entertainment, and new clothes.

If you feel like you can’t afford to fund your goals, especially investing for retirement, it’s time to tighten up your spending.

If you feel like you can’t afford to fund your goals, especially investing for retirement, it’s time to tighten up your spending. Eliminate items you really wouldn’t miss, like a gym membership you’re not using and online impulse buys.

Make changes that are less expensive and better for you, such as cooking at home and bringing your lunch to work. Shop your utilities and insurance to see if there are less expensive options for your situation.

One popular planning approach is called the 50/30/20 rule. It’s a basic guideline for setting limits on your living expenses, variable expenses, and savings.

With the 50/30/20 rule, you spend no more than 50% of your take-home income on fixed expenses and true necessities, such as housing, insurance, utilities, food, transportation, and debt payments.

You limit variable expenses, such as dining out, clothes, cable TV, travel, and gifts to 30%. And the remaining 20% is for financial goals like building an emergency fund and making retirement contributions.

These are rules of thumb that you can tailor to your situation and priorities. For instance, if you can spend 40% on fixed expenses, you could increase your variable costs to 40% or boost your savings to 30%.

Related: Checklist to Measure Your Personal Finance Success

5. Create an earning plan.

As much as creating a spending plan can improve your financial life, creating an earning plan can be even more powerful. There’s a limit to how much spending you can cut, but the amount of additional income you can earn is unlimited.

Consider all the ways you could earn more over the short- or long-term. Maybe you could get more overtime, do freelance work on the side, or get a second job. Once I began earning more, I kept my expenses low and had enough freeboard to save and invest more and more each year.

Always start small and increase your savings a percentage point or two every year so you build it over time, especially when you get a pay raise, windfall, or bonus. The trick to building wealth is not to spend more when you make more.

Having more income and cash flow is fantastic! But if you spend it carelessly, it won’t help you achieve your financial goals or build more security.

Having more income and cash flow is fantastic! But if you spend it carelessly, it won’t help you achieve your financial goals or build more security.

Best Money Management Tools

One way to protect yourself from making bad financial moves is to put your goals on auto-pilot. Easy access to money makes it easier to spend on unnecessary items and to make impulse purchases.

Use tools such as an online bank account or app to set up automatic transfers to your IRA. If you have a 401k at work, contributions must come from automatic payroll deductions. Also request that your employer send a portion of your paycheck by direct deposit to your savings account.

For ongoing money management, I’m a big fan of Quicken software, which is the gold standard. It’s an all-in-one solution that aggregates transactions from all your financial institutions, allows you to create customized categories, reports, budgets, pay bills, sync up multiple devices, and more.

You might also try out free money apps that aggregate and categorize financial transactions in a dashboard, such as Mint and Personal Capital. If you prefer using spreadsheets to manage money, check out all the great templates at Simple Planning.

Growing rich is about much more than budgeting. Abraham Lincoln said, “The best way to predict your future is to create it.” So, it’s time to decide what you want your future to be and how to use money as a tool to create it. Then develop a spending plan to get there by setting aside the right amounts in the right places so to make it happen as soon as possible.

Get More Money Girl!

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There’s a huge archive of past articles and podcasts if you type in what you want to learn about in the search bar at the top of the page. Here are all the many places you can connect with me, learn more about personal finance, and ask your money question:

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Download FREE chapters of Money Girl’s Smart Moves to Grow Rich

To learn about how to get out of debt, save money, and build wealth, get a copy of my award-winning book Money Girl’s Smart Moves to Grow Rich. It tells you what you need to know about money without bogging you down with what you don’t. It’s available at your favorite bookstore as a paperback or e-book. Click here to download 2 FREE book chapters now!

Coin Stack Step image courtesy of Shutterstock



Selasa, 10 Oktober 2017

4 Ways to Build Close Relationships That Last

how to build lasting relationships

Today, we'll learn to build and maintain strong relationships by using their multidimensional nature. (And I'm not just talking about the fact that all of us are just three-dimensional tentacles on an 11th-dimensional monster with 7 billion brains). My friend Bernice still has a bit of a hero worship thing going on. We were in the mall a few weeks ago and who should we see but everybody’s favorite celebrity, Taylor Gaga Efron Pitt DeNiro Lawrence Sarandon! Bernice was beside herself. “I’ve been their fan for years! I want to be their best friend.” She ran right up to Taylor and proclaimed, “Taylor! I’m your biggest fan! Let’s have coffee!” You can imagine the result. It’s embarrassing just thinking about it.

We get into relationships because they’re all about give and take. There are things we want to get out of a relationship. But you can’t just say “I want cash,” or “I want your love,” or “appreciate me!” You need to build the relationship slowly, in a way that won’t invite rejection. Do that by giving first. And when you give, you’ll do best to give in a different way than you withdraw.

4 Ways to Build Close Relationships

  1. Make “deposits” to a relationship different from the withdrawals
  2. Come in sideways when directly doesn’t work
  3. Strengthen a partnership through complementary deposits
  4. Expect to get what you don’t expect

Let's dive deeper into each.

1. Make “deposits” to a relationship different from the withdrawals.

Let’s say you want to get really close and involved with Venture Capitalist Alex Drywall…as a business partner, of course. But everybody wants to do business with Alex. Any prospectus you send to the office gets returned by Gatekeeper Minion #9348. Approaching Alex along business dimensions just won’t work.

So how do you get the attention and stand out from the crowd? Learn more about Alex. A bit of digging reveals that Alex does community work, serving as the chairperson of your local Big Brothers / Big Sisters chapter. You just happen to be a member of the organization!

You can start building a relationship with Alex that way. Call Alex to discuss your experience as a Big Sibling, share your thoughts on the organization, and so on. You may find that calling Alex’s office about Big Brother / Big Sister business gets right through, bypassing Minion #9348 completely.

Once you get to know Alex socially and through community service, you can discuss business. You’ve invested in a strong social bond, which lets you now open up into a business discussion.

2. Come in sideways when directly doesn’t work.

Keith Ferrazzi, author of the excellent book on building your network Never Eat Alone, wanted to be an executive. But he was both young and rash. No matter how good he was, it would take him years to work his way up the partner track at Deloitte Consulting. Vying for a top job directly would have gotten him laughed out of the room. 

So Keith devoted his time, energy, and expertise into building relationships for Deloitte within his local business community. He also got his CEO to agree to dinners together every six weeks. When Deloitte decided they needed a new Chief Marketing Officer, Keith was put in charge of finding the candidate. During the search, he worked closely with the other senior management, shared his ideas for the challenges facing the new executive. He impressed them with his skills and ideas. When no perfect candidate could be found, he was chosen for the CMO position. Instead of working his way up, he demonstrated his desirability where his skills could be seen. 


3. Strengthen a partnership through complementary deposits.

Partnerships are a great place to think about mixing skills. Strengthen the partnership by contributing the skills you’re good at. Withdraw the benefits of your partner’s expertise. 

Steve Wozniak was a technical genius. Steve Jobs had an instinct for product design and finding markets for products. Together, they built Apple Computer, but it took both skill sets to make it happen.

What are your strengths? Your weaknesses? What would it look like to have a partner who’s the other way around? When you find someone who can help build a business in ways you can’t, search for ways you can each contribute your strengths.

4. Expect to get what you don’t expect.

Even in other relationships, it’s worth understanding that different people give in different ways. In an unhealthy relationship, one person can end up giving everything, while the other one takes. This is the kind of complementary that we don’t need. If you find yourself in something one-sided—professional, romantic, or platonic—leave! Life is too short to hang out with relationship vampires.

But first, check all the dimensions involved before leaving. What do you give in the relationship? What do you take? You might find you complement each other in unexpected ways.

What do you give in the relationship? What do you take? You might find you complement each other in unexpected ways.

In the 1950s sitcom “I Love Lucy,” Ricky provided the income, and he withdraws housework and emotional support. Lucy does the reverse. She contributes housework and emotional support and withdraws economically. (Of course, in real life, Lucille Ball was a major force as a Hollywood businesswoman.) Each character may have driven the other insane, but they were a happy, loving couple nonetheless.

We’re taught relationships are give-and-take, but what you’re giving and what you’re taking matters. When building a relationship from scratch, build it along a different dimension than what you plan to get out of it. Use complementary giving and taking to strengthen partnerships, and when it comes to formal relationships like employers and employees, find ways to come in sideways like Keith Ferrazzi.

Since Bernice wanted to be friends with Taylor Gaga Efron Pitt DeNiro Lawrence Sarandon, she decided to reach out along a business dimension. Calling Taylor’s agent, she proposed that Taylor become the official celebrity spokesperson for the Green Growing Things line of Audrey IIs. 

Over lunch, Bernice and Taylor discovered that Bernice has a holding pen full of carniverous Audrey II plants. Taylor has several outfits made entirely of meat. They’ve only been worn once, because, well, you really can’t be seen in the same meat outfit twice. As the two negotiate a business deal to keep the Audrey IIs, it’s a match made in, er, heaven. Not only do both parties profit when Bernice purchases the meat, but in the process, they become fast friends. By coming in along the business angle, Bernice ended up with happy, well-fed plants, and a new friend.

I’m Stever Robbins. Follow GetItDoneGuy on Twitter and Facebook. I give great keynote speeches on productivity, Living an Extraordinary Life, and entrepreneurship. Find me at http://ift.tt/1l2uWN6.

Work Less, Do More, and have a Great Life!



Minggu, 08 Oktober 2017

5 Tips to Improve Student-Teacher Relationships

student's ideas constrained by teacher

Our children’s school environment is packed with many variables that affect not only how they learn but also how they interact socially with their peers and their teachers. There’s nothing a parent likes more than hearing their child talk excitedly and positively about his or her school day. On the flip side, it can become a parent’s worst nightmare when their child is having a negative experience in his or her school life, particularly when things get so difficult their child pleads not to have to go to school each day. 

There are many reasons kids become discouraged with school: struggling with a learning difficulty, lack of interest in certain subjects, challenging peer relations and possible bullying, and being placed in a classroom where she and her teacher have clashing personalities or simply just don’t like one another.

Truthfully, one of my biggest reliefs at the beginning of each school year is knowing that my kids have teachers that are not only excellent educators but, just as important, that they like and feel comfortable with. Parenting eight kids for the past two decades has definitely delivered a wide variety of school experiences to my family and me. Thankfully the majority have been positive. However, I’ve faced the unpleasant scenario several times where one of my children does not have a good match with a teacher. Although it can be challenging, Mighty Mommy shares five tips for handling these tricky student-teacher relationships so that your child can still enjoy school.  

How to Improve a Difficult Student-Teacher Relationship

  1. Investigate the situation
  2. Keep negative comments to yourself
  3. Reach out
  4. Equip children with tools to cope
  5. Time for a change

Let's explore each one a bit further. 

Tip #1: Investigate the situation

When you first learn your child is unhappy about the relationship with his teacher, investigate to see what’s really going on. If a child complains that his teacher doesn’t like him, he may be misinterpreting something the teacher does or says. Ask your child for details without agreeing or disagreeing. Your job at this point is to see the situation as your child sees it, and in order to do that you need to be a really good listener.

Put away all distractions (cell phones, laptops, the magazine you might be reading) and make eye contact with her while she tells you her interpretation of what’s happening in the classroom.

In 5 Smart Ways to Handle Teacher Troubles, Susan Etheredge, Associate Professor of education and child study at Smith College, says it’s important for parents to act like a reporter when delving into the situation. “Sometimes kids will make generic claims, like 'The teacher's mean to me.' You want to find out what that means."

Etheredge calls this "unpacking" what your child is saying. Try to get as much detail as possible. Ask, "What exactly did she say? What was happening in the class when she said it?" (You might want to inquire casually, so your child doesn't clam up or exaggerate.) "Mean" might mean, "She makes me do my work," in which case you could explain that the teacher is trying to show the kind of behavior you need to have at school; after all, some things are very reasonable under the circumstances, but they may not seem that way to a six-year-old. The idea is not so much to uncover "the truth" of what went down but to get a more concrete sense of what your child is seeing.

Tip #2: Keep Negative Comments to Yourself

Now that you’ve gathered the nitty-gritty details from your child about why she feels her teacher doesn’t like her, regardless of the information shared, refrain from speaking negatively about the teacher in front of your child. If you’re upset and go off on a rant about how your kid’s teacher should know better than to treat her so poorly, you’re going to not only fuel the fire, but you’ll be sending your child a message that it’s OK to respond with anger and negativity without even knowing both sides to the story. 

Instead, stay calm and neutral and assure your daughter that you’re going to look into the matter further and thank her for sharing this situation with you. Remember, we as parents are our kids' biggest influencers. Regardless of how upset we are that (heaven forbid) a teacher might not like our precious child, we need to model how to handle the situation with self-control.

In addition, don’t go badmouthing the teacher to friends or post anything damaging on social media. I can’t tell you how many times other parents will offer criticism about teachers in our district and warn me about the bad experience we are going to have in their classroom, only to have my child get “said” teacher and we’ve absolutely loved them.

Tip #3: Reach Out

Most school districts have teacher e-mail addresses available on their websites in order to provide easy access for communication between parents and teachers. As a busy, working mom I find this way of reaching out to my kid’s teachers extremely helpful and convenient rather than having to call the school and leave a message for the teacher to call me back. I do, however, pick and choose when I use this method of communication.

When you are upset, contacting the teacher by email can be problematic depending on the tone you use when sending your message. If you can email matter-of-factly and ask the teacher to call you regarding a concern you have, then by all means do. But if you use email as a tool to accuse or vent before you speak face-to-face, you could start your interaction about this touchy matter on a contentious note.

When you do meet with the teacher express your concern and ask for the teacher’s point of view. Remember, you already have your child’s perspective on the situation so now it’s her turn to share her thoughts about what she feels is going on inside the classroom. (Even if you don’t agree, you still need to get her side of the story.)

Don’t withhold any information that will help the teacher understand your child and be more effective with her.

If your child is being affected by problems at home or had a negative experience with school last year, for example, he may be acting out at school. It’s important for a teacher to know something about your child’s past experience with school and his attitude toward learning. Be careful in your approach, says Cynthia Tobias, author of Middle School: The Inside Story—What Kids Tell Us But Don’t Tell You. Her latest education book has a section on how to deal with your child’s teacher. “When getting information from the teacher,” she says, “start a lot of your sentences with the same four words: 'What can I do?'"

For example, say Tobias: "‘Mike just doesn’t seem to learn the way you teach. I think it’s great that he can stretch out of his comfort zone sometimes. What can I do to help him with that?’” This puts the responsibility on parent and child, yet elicits input and suggestions from the teacher, says Tobias. Often the teacher will get the message without becoming defensive or angry.

I was brought up with a mantra that I have passed along to my eight kids—“You get more with honey than you do with vinegar.” Bottom line is that teachers are human beings, just like us, and the majority of people I know prefer to be treated with kindness than with sarcasm or contentiousness. When I have faced the scenario where a teacher and one of my kids didn’t see eye to eye on something, the outcome was usually very favorable when I approached the conversation with a smile and kindness rather than being accusatory without knowing all the facts.


Tip #4: Equip Them With Tools To Cope

Our kids are not always going to be placed with teachers or peers that like them. We can’t necessarily change other people’s behaviors, but we can control how we react. Whether it be a situation where he and his teacher just don’t mesh or she can’t seem to win with her boss at her new part-time job, when we have coping mechanisms to rely on, it can make a world of difference in our kids' attitude about the situation.

I read a wonderful book several years ago called Dealing with Disappointment: Helping Kids Cope When Things Don’t Go Their Way by Elizabeth Crary. She recommends that children have one self-calming technique to help deal with disappointment for every year of their age, up to age 12. Crary describes six general categories of self-calming tools. They include: physical, auditory/verbal, visual, creative, self-calming, and humor. Here are a few examples of each self-calming category:

Physical

  • Large movements: Examples are running, dancing, jumping, hiking, anything to get their energy out.
  • Breathe in calmness: Teach your children to take a big breath and then blow out the birthday candles, or blow a feather across a table.

Auditory/Verbal

  • Talk to someone: Kids need to be heard before they can problem solve. Just listen, uninterrupted and without trying to fix things.
  • Positive self-talk: Model this for kids, showing them how even when you’re angry, you can productively problem solve.   For example, if you didn’t get the job you applied for, you could say, “I’m sorry that job didn’t work out for me, but I’m sure there is an even better opportunity waiting.”
  • Listen to music: Learn what kind of music your child responds to when happy or when angry. In our house, we always have fun, upbeat music playing in the morning before everyone heads out to school or work. It helps lighten the mood tremendously.

Visual

  • Read a book: This helps give a child focus, calming them. Offering to read a story is a great calming technique.
  • Look outside: Looking outside is helpful in detaching from the feelings of disappointment. I like to play “I Spy” with my kids.

When getting information from the teacher start a lot of your sentences with the same four words: "What can I do?"

Creative

  • Draw a picture: Have your child draw his feelings. This is particularly good for younger kids.
  • Make something: Make brownies, sculpt something out of clay, make a building out of blocks, etc. This helps release restless energy.

Self-Calming

  • Get a hug: Physical touch is comforting. Learning to ask for a hug when it’s needed is a great coping skill.
  • Drink from a water bottle: Make the water “magic calming juice.”  This works particularly well for younger kids.
  • Take a warm bath: A bath is a great way to help wash away bad or irritating feelings.

Humor

  • Read humor books: Laughter can change body chemistry and help us let go of lingering negativity.
  • Watch funny videos: Invite your child to watch a funny movie with you. Ask how he or she feels after.
  • Find humor in the situation: This helps teach your child to look at things from a different angle. Let kids see you laugh at yourself.

Tip #5: Time For A Change

If you’ve tried to work with the teacher but feel she isn’t able to make it work with your child, it may be necessary to take it to the next level and meet with the school principal. Sometimes administration will offer extra support or will have some good ideas for resolving the problem without changing the child’s classroom. In that case, give it an honest try.

But sometimes a student and teacher just can’t get beyond the personality conflict or your student simply can’t adapt to his teacher’s learning style and it’s evident that the school year is going to be a complete bust. In such cases, the wisest decision is to talk to the principal about moving the child out of the class.

If you do decide to transfer your child to another class, as I did for my daughter several years ago, take care how you present the decision to her. Don’t present the changing of classrooms to your child in a negative manner. Instead emphasize the positive aspects of the move. Praise the school for helping your child find the right match and let her know you expect her to work to her full potential in her new classroom. Reinforce all the positive aspects about the school, the subjects she’ll be learning, any extra-curricular activities that she’ll get to participate in, and just how lucky she is to have the opportunity to be in school and learn so many new and exciting things.

How have you handled a difficult teacher relationship? Share your thoughts in the comments section at http://ift.tt/1zMEe2L, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com. Visit my family-friendly boards at http://ift.tt/1wyJKr5

Image © Shutterstock



Jumat, 06 Oktober 2017

How to Trust People Again: 8 Easy Steps

learning to trust people again

A few months ago on the podcast we talked about how to rebuild trust in a relationship. But what happens if mistrust expands beyond a partner to, well, everyone? Not trusting anyone keeps you safe from hurt and betrayal, but it also leaves you isolated and suspicious.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Fear of trust is so common it’s an official phobia: pistanthrophobia. It’s a big name for an equally big problem.

How does this happen? How does one lose faith in humanity? And how can you find it again?

Well, about 40 years ago, researchers working in artificial intelligence hypothesized that people have a “script” for certain experiences. For example, at a restaurant, your script goes something like this: look at the menu, order, eat your food, pay, and leave. You know what to expect.

Many people, as kids, learn a script about life that goes something like this: I get hurt or upset, someone comforts me, I feel better. But many others didn’t learn that script. They learned I get hurt or upset, someone blames me or gets mad, I feel worse. Or, I get hurt or upset, no one notices, I am alone. Scripts like these are a recipe for feeling unable to trust or get close to others. It makes sense—if getting what we need from other humans was the unexpected exception rather than the reliable rule, it would be foolish to trust. We’d be setting ourselves up to get hurt over and over again.

Now, other times, the script we learn in childhood is healthy, but then gets rocked by the earthquake of trauma. For instance, the love of our life cheats, we get swindled by someone we trust, or we make ourselves vulnerable and get abandoned. Again, it makes sense: If that happened to you, you’d get a rewrite on your script pretty quickly.

Either way, you’re left with a belief system that puts a wedge between you and the rest of the world. The beliefs may be about yourself, such as, “If I trust someone, they’ll see the real me and reject me.” Or they may be about everyone else: “If I love someone, they’ll leave.” “If I trust someone, they’ll betray me.” You might truly believe, “You can’t trust anyone; you can only rely on yourself.”

I won’t lie: changing these beliefs and rebuilding trust is hard. When you’re first starting to rebuild trust in humanity, it may feel like an intellectual exercise. You know in your head that most people can be trusted, but you don’t feel it in your heart. To make the move from head to heart, in many cases, takes a leap of faith. It’s like that cheesy team-building exercise, the trust fall, where you fall backwards, blindly, and trust your teammates will catch you. You aren’t guaranteed you won’t end up on the floor—it takes a leap of faith to lean back and let yourself go.

How do you set yourself up to take a real-life leap of faith? How can you trust again, deep in your bones? Start by trying these 8 things.

How to Trust People Again in 8 Steps

  1. Stay in one place.
  2. Ground yourself in a routine.
  3. Give a little, and see what you get.
  4. Make plans for the future.
  5. Trust an animal.
  6. Be trustworthy.
  7. Actively look for trustworthy behavior.
  8. Grow the belief that you deserve to be around trustworthy people.

Let's dive deeper into each tactic. 

1. Stay in one place.

Moving around the country or the world is a socially acceptable way to sever ties and never get close to people. But if you’re committed to rebuilding your sense of trust, put down an anchor. This will feel wrong at first. You will feel the urge to pack up and start over, whether across town or across the globe, but try to settle in. Once you put down some roots, you can branch out by getting to know—and trust—the people around you.

2. Ground yourself in a routine.

Once you’re in one place, get into a rhythm. The same gym class, the same people at the dog park, the same Sunday morning coffee shop. Why? It’s not to get you in a rut. It’s a proxy: Inherent in a routine is seeing the same people. Repetition—seeing the same faces again and again—is the first step to building trust.

3. Give a little, and see what you get.

Once you’re seeing the same faces, next comes giving a little and seeing what you get. Reveal a little bit about yourself and see what happens. Usually, you’ll get a tidbit in return.

Or ask for a little and see what you get. Make yourself a tiny bit vulnerable: ask a neighbor for a favor, a friend for advice, or even a stranger to please help you reach that can of tomatoes on the top shelf at the supermarket.

Having a need and getting it met adds a drop to the bucket of trust. It may not seem like much, but drop by drop, you discover that most people mean well and will help you when you need it. Trauma experts call this “re-engagement with communal life,” but you can call it taking that first leap of faith in humanity.


4. Make plans for the future.

Living through a trauma doesn’t just shake your trust in people, it also shakes your trust in the future. Trauma plays a trick on the brain: it creates a hopelessness—a sense that your future will be devoid of meaning or happiness—which in turn feels like there is no future at all, which in turn makes you feel like time is short. You might assume you’ll die young, or be unable to picture ever finding a relationship, building a career, or having children. Trauma experts call this a sense of a foreshortened future. This particularly happens when terrible events are deliberately inflicted by other humans, like bullying, stalking, or abuse.

Therefore, as you build your trust in people, also try to build your trust in a meaningful future. Make plans for weeks, months, years, and decades from now. Save for retirement. Make a bucket list. Set a goal to go back to school. Go through the motions of planning a future, even if it doesn’t feel quite right just yet. Why? Putting behavior before a feeling is the way to make the feeling catch up.

Putting behavior before a feeling is the way to make the feeling catch up.

5. Trust an animal.

In a study from the Journal of Research in Personality, researchers asked 165 pet owners to generate a list of life goals and rate how confident they felt in achieving those goals. One-third of the pet owners had their pets with them during the task, another third of the pet owners were asked to write a brief description of their pet and their relationship with it in order to bring their pet to mind before the task, and the last third did the task while their pet was in another room.

The study found that the pet owners who had their pets with them or brought their pets to mind generated significantly more life goals and had significantly higher confidence in achieving them.

The researchers concluded what millions of pet owners know—an animal can provide a safe haven and a secure base from which to reach out and engage with the world, which sounds remarkably like...trust.

6. Be trustworthy. 

Seeing trustworthy behavior in yourself can help you spot it in others. So mentor or help someone else. Follow through on your obligations. Keep your word. Comfort someone in need. When another human places trust in you, it reminds you that maybe you can trust, too.

7. Actively look for trustworthy behavior.

People with an intact sense of trust can more easily spot caring, trustworthy behavior than those whose trust has been broken. So if trusting doesn’t come naturally to you, you may have to look for it consciously. Trustworthy behavior probably happens more often than you think, but just like birdwatching or celebrity-spotting, you have to train yourself to see it.

Therefore, write down all the trustworthy behavior you see. Keep a “trust list” in your phone or dedicate a few pages of your journal to catching people at keeping their word or helping out when help is needed.

Whenever you rely on someone and they come through for you, or you need comfort and you receive it, jot it down. Your entries may be little, like getting directions from a stranger when you’re lost, or they may be big, like getting a hug and a listening ear when you feel overwhelmed by life.

8. Grow the belief that you deserve to be around trustworthy people.

Mistrust often comes as a package deal. In addition to believing bad things about the world: “No one can be trusted,” “The world is a dangerous place,” people who can’t trust often believe bad things about themselves: “I am broken,” “I deserve bad things that happen to me.”

So in order to grow trust in others, grow the belief that you are worthy of having your trust honored. Challenge the belief that you’re a bad person who deserves to be betrayed or hurt.

How? It’s really hard to change your mind without evidence or experience, so change your behavior first and your mind will follow. It’s the old “fake it till you make it,” and it works.

Ask yourself, “What would someone who believed that they were a good person do?” “What would someone who deserved good things in life do?” Then do that. And like I’ve said before, when you see yourself doing it, you start to believe you can, so when you see yourself acting like someone who trusts that the world is mostly good and people are mostly trustworthy, you start to believe it. And that’s the crucial leap of faith to learning to trust again.

Get more savvy by subscribing to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher, or get the episode delivered straight to your inbox by signing up for the newsletter.  Plus, follow me on Facebook and Twitter.



Kamis, 05 Oktober 2017

5 Things to Consider When Choosing a Doctor

choosing the right doctor for you

October is open enrollment for many people looking for healthcare. That means selecting a health plan and a doctor if your health insurance is changing. It’s frustrating to be forced to start from scratch again. You may have already bonded with your current doctor who knows your health and history well.

So how do you start over? There is seemingly an endless sea of doctors to choose from—how can you make the very best choice? Selecting a physician is a very personal process. There are numerous reasons why you may or may not connect with a doctor. The relationship is really like many other relationships, and it requires great trust. Let’s talk about some of the things you may want to consider when selecting a physician.

5 Things to Consider When Choosing a Doctor

  1. Search the medical group’s website
  2. Consider the gender of your physician
  3. Avoid internet ratings
  4. Language considerations
  5. Never judge a book by its cover

When you first join a health plan, they may send you a list of doctors within their network. If not mailed or electronically sent to you upon joining, you can use their website (doctor lists are often easily searchable there) or call them to mail you a copy of their provider booklet.

If you want to save on costs, I’d start here with an in-network physician. Some plans will allow you to still see your out-of-network doctor, but at a higher cost. If you have an HMO, however, they most likely will not provide that option. If you’re confused about the differences between PPO’s, EPO’s, and HMO’s, you’re not the only one—make sure to learn how to choose between the three types of health plans.

While perusing your in-network provider list, consider the following:

Search the medical group’s website

The benefit of online lists is that some plans will list their physician profiles in more detail. For instance, mine will reveal that I love sci-fi movies, have an extra focus on women’s health and pediatrics, and host a medical podcast. Some physicians will even have a video snippet on their profile to view, their credentials may be listed in detail, etc. In this way, you can best find a physician that matches your interests. A connection is always helpful in making you feel more comfortable at the doctor’s office.

Do you prefer a female or male physician?

This will narrow down your search by about 50%. Female patients often search for female doctors, and many of my patients will tell me this. Perhaps they feel more of a connection with a female physician, or perhaps they’d neglect their pap smear otherwise. Or perhaps they grew up with six brothers, and have a better connection with a male physician.

On the other hand, I’ve also had male patients reveal that they feel most comfortable with females, and male patients who tell me they don’t  feel as comfortable with a female physician when discussing their most personal topics, such as erectile dysfunction or low libido.

The truth is, however, almost all of us doctors have patients from all spectrums. And there’s nothing we haven’t heard before. No medical topic makes the physician feel uncomfortable. But how you feel as a patient is the key. So if this makes a difference in how comfortable you feel at the doctor’s office, then it may be a consideration.


Avoid internet ratings

Honestly, my personal opinion is that doctors should never have a yelp profile or other online health grades. Anyone can go online and rate, and even remain anonymous. That means even personal contacts of the doctors, their dismayed colleagues, and disgruntled patients.

But providing medical care is a complex issue. Sometimes the patients may not feel satisfied despite the physician’s best intentions. A great example is a patient with a history of addiction who may have been denied a medication that the physician felt was not in their best interest. Or perhaps a patient who “doesn’t like to go to the doctor” (which is not uncommon) who is seen after 10 years and upset by the doctor's attempts to ensure their preventative screenings are met (mammograms, colonoscopies, vaccines, etc.)—they just want to be left alone. Personality mismatches can happen, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that either party did something wrong.

On the other hand, friends and family members can get online and inflate the ratings in favor of the physician, too.

If you read them, please take these ratings with a grain of salt.

A better way to gauge how you may connect with a physician is to ask around. Is there a family member or neighbor whose opinion you trust? Who is their doctor? The odds of making a connection with a doctor is higher if someone you know has a positive personal experience to share.

If you read them, please take internet ratings with a grain of salt.

Language considerations

It’s no secret that my name is not an easy one to say. But I obviously speak English and have excellent communication skills. Try not to make assumptions about language disparities. I’ve had patients reveal that they weren’t quite certain if I spoke English well enough before they met me, and were hoping that I spoke well enough to communicate. That one makes me cringe a little.

But, if you yourself feel more comfortable speaking in another language, then by all means select a physician that is fluent in that language. Most health plan lists will include that information. If they don’t, ask for it.

Never judge a book by its cover

When I meet a patient for the first time, can you guess what question I get asked the most? “How old are you?”—in various forms, of course; it may be a statement such as, “Wow, you look so young.” Assuming the age of a person is always dangerous territory, and I know this because of experience seeing so many patients. I’ve had 90-year-olds appear in their 60s, and 30-year-olds appear with a physiologic age in their 50s.

As for myself, unfortunately I get asked these questions less and less through time. They may have bothered me a tad when I first started, but now I actually enjoy it and take it as a compliment. But other doctors may not. And the truth is, does it really matter? But I’ll tell you this, it would surprise you how savvy some young physicians are when they first leave residency. And they are often very up-to-date.

My advice, don’t focus on age or make assumptions that the doctor is incapable based on it. Most medical groups, especially larger ones, have very strict criteria when employing physicians. They’ve often already done the work for you. If it’s a reputable medical group, then you can be almost sure that the physician is capable.

My answer, by the way? “I’ve completed an extra 11 years of school and training after high school, and have now been practicing medicine for 13 years.”

Unfortunately for me, everyone can now do the math. Let’s keep it between us, please.

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Please note that all content here is strictly for informational purposes only.  This content does not substitute any medical advice, and does not replace any medical judgment or reasoning by your own personal health provider.  Please always seek a licensed physician in your area regarding all health related questions and issues.