Currently, millions of you are entering your first year of college as freshmen. Congratulations! Even though college is an amazing time in your life, the first few days, weeks, or even months can be rather nerve-racking, since you’re thrust into a new environment without the comforts of home. I’ve been there and I feel ya.
With such a dramatic change, many people will do things way out of their comfort zone—both good and bad—to make connections, find their niche, and fully embrace college for all that it’s worth. However, when taking leaps “to find your way,” you have to make sure you’re approaching your first year of college properly. So, check out my top three quick and dirty tips for College Freshmen Etiquette.
Tip #1: You Know Nothing, Jon Snow
“You know nothing Jon Snow!” is a line from the hit show Game of Thrones geared towards the star, which has since become a classic one-liner to stop people short when they believe their way is the only way. In the show, Jon Snow thought he had all the answers, when in fact, he couldn’t have been farther from the truth. I think about that quote when dealing with certain attitudes about venturing off to college as a freshman. Mainly that who you were in high school will automatically resonate with your new college life—be it positive of negative. Trust me, if you think that being king or queen of your high school means you’ll equally dominate at a collegiate level, then you are in for a major wake up call, my friends. Same thing goes if you were a "small fish in a big pond" from grades 9-12—that also means nothing. See, college is a time to find yourself, or better yourself, and whatever happened last year will not cross over into college.
It’s highly improper to believe your reputation will follow you into your freshman year. Why? Well frankly, college is a numbers game. You’re going from maybe a few hundred kids in your class at most, all of which came from the same area and a similar background, to the college level, that has a massive population of differing ages, cultures, backgrounds, and skill set. So to quote the great American poet, Ice Cube, “You better check yo self, before you wreck yo self.” If you think your college peers will tolerate your shenanigans like your high school circle did, you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. But let me be clear: I’m not saying you have to change who you are. NOT at all! I’m simply stating that it’s improper to believe new people have to bend to your ways because you feel entitled based on your past. You may have been the hottest thing in high school, but there are kids from thousands of high schools now who all thought the same thing. So you have to face the fact that you may not be the best looking anymore, the smartest in the class, the best athlete on the field, or the geekiest … and that’s okay, folks. That's life. The proper way to approach your freshman year is to have an open mind, challenge yourself, and properly asses what you want out of college … and believe me, being “cool” isn’t necessarily the main goal.
Tip #2: Don’t Judge a Book by Its Cover
We all know this saying, and I'm pretty sure you know where I'm going with this. Bottom line, in your personal and professional life, it’s improper (and rather delusional) to judge a book by its cover. When you get to college, your immediate urge will be to find your “crowd," the group of people that you feel the most comfortable with and can relate to. You’re not alone in thinking this because everyone is thinking the same thing. However, to find that “clique,” many people go searching for the exact same life they had before college; people that dress the same, look the same, come from a similar background, etc. In a college setting that “logic” as a measuring stick for friends will not always translate the way you planned. When you judge a book by its cover, you make these gut calls solely on presumptions, rather than truly getting to know someone. In doing so, you narrow your social circle, and put on a cap on how high your social ceiling can go.
Now, let’s be honest, if you love playing basketball and happen to run into someone wearing a Stephen Curry jersey, chances are you have something in common. And if you meet someone of the same faith, again, it’s most likely you’ll have a connection. This I get … however, you can’t assume that this same pattern will always hold true for everyone. Maybe that shy kid in your economics class, you sit next to every day, but didn’t want to talk to, just happens to be best free-throw shooter his high school had ever seen? But you never asked because his exterior didn’t match what you are used to. Or, even though someone in your class is an atheist, and doesn’t believe what you do, doesn’t mean they’re the devil. Different beliefs? Sure. But cruel or unfriendly? Not true. In fact, it’s flat out rude to put someone in any “category” without ever speaking to them.
Freshmen, the earlier you can ditch the notion that the surface of a person is how you judge them, the sooner you’ll be able to truly embrace all the college has to offer. This is a practice you’ll need not only in college but also in your professional life. Because you may feel you’re on your own now, but just WAIT until you graduate. Oh, boy!
Tip #3: Don't Forget About Your “Home Friends”
I went to a state school, where I would run into friends from high school—my age or older—and neighboring high schools, too, on a daily basis. Not tons, but enough to make seeing a familiar face seem like the norm. Not all were my closest friends, mind you, but still friendly nonetheless. Of those friends who attended college with me, some started to distance themselves from their “home friends” after first semester. We went from being around each other (by choice) 24/7 to now only becoming mere acquaintances because some of them believed "high school friends aren't cool anymore." And even though this was odd, it happens a lot. For whatever reason, there is this silly notion that being friends with your high school friends means you can't adjust to college life. Now, I’m not saying you can’t have new friends—I had tons of new friends—but it’s improper to simply brush people off because something newer and fancier has entered your life.
Whenever I hop on Facebook and see certain friends who were very important to me in high school, but now are simply just another face on my wall, it’s sad and it bothers me that they decided their home friends weren’t good enough any more. Granted, I graduated college 15 years ago, so I do not need their approval today … but I honestly wished they wouldn’t have moved on so fast. I mean, had I known they would have ditched their home friends, for college friends, I wouldn’t have invested so much energy in making a connection so long ago. So, Freshmen, when you get to college, meet as many people as you possibly can. You can never have too many friends, but don’t feel that you have to do some house cleaning with your old life just because you’re in a new setting. College is the time to open your eyes and hearts to a new world. But you don't necessarily have to forget where you came from.
As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.com. Follow me on Twitter @MannersQDT, and of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips for a more polite life.
Do you have any recent graduates in your circle, or perhaps someone who is looking to start a new career, check out my new book, Reply All…And Other Ways to Tank Your Career for great tips and advice on job success. It's available now!
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